The Envelope

I don’t think my turmoil envelopes the world,

Or that this darkness covers all-

Only that it fills me and hurts my heart,

Withers my hope, and takes away light.

The act of making notes on experience sickens me,

I find grief in the disgust I have for myself-

But cannot stop it.

Making the words with the mouth, making the sounds echo-

Slumping into a day- unbelievable, I am horrified-

Who am I to feel such sadness?- I have no need to feel such sadness!

I have no want to feel such sadness!

It is here though, such a dead weight.

I think if my body were dead, then the weight would lift wouldn’t it?

This is madness, screaming grief-

I will not harm those I love, I know- I have felt this way before- and

There was a large and beautiful space… before it became so cramped,

So terrible,

Again.

I do not see the space; the opening up and the light- but I believe it is there.