I don’t think my turmoil envelopes the world,
Or that this darkness covers all-
Only that it fills me and hurts my heart,
Withers my hope, and takes away light.
The act of making notes on experience sickens me,
I find grief in the disgust I have for myself-
But cannot stop it.
Making the words with the mouth, making the sounds echo-
Slumping into a day- unbelievable, I am horrified-
Who am I to feel such sadness?- I have no need to feel such sadness!
I have no want to feel such sadness!
It is here though, such a dead weight.
I think if my body were dead, then the weight would lift wouldn’t it?
This is madness, screaming grief-
I will not harm those I love, I know- I have felt this way before- and
There was a large and beautiful space… before it became so cramped,
I do not see the space; the opening up and the light- but I believe it is there.